Kinds of Thoughts to Harbour as a Father

“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.” Martin Luther

Our minds are akin to a garden, it takes cultivation to come up with a beautiful garden and to maintain it. Without careful attention to the garden, weeds easily sprout and overrun the good grass, flowers or plants. Weeds don’t seem to need any encouragement to grow, they tend to just grow so easily. Good thoughts take concerted effort to build and maintain, however, if we neglect our garden (mind), then the weeds, or bad thoughts quickly sprout and take over.

I have a lawn in my backyard. It looked beautiful last summer and fall. However, I looked at it recently and realized it was no longer attractive. It is full of weeds and some places that had beautiful grass are littered with patches of dry brown grass left over from the freezing winter. It is not a pleasant sight. It got me thinking, that weeds sprout so easily. You don’t even have to plant them or nurture them, they just sprout, keep growing effortlessly and before long, they are spreading their seeds all over the lawn. It takes effort to maintain a good looking lawn or garden. My mind is the same, it takes effort to think good thoughts and to maintain them. Bad thoughts easily sprout and if I don’t weed them out, they grow and spread in my mind. The effort to nurture good thoughts is well worth it, they result in a beautiful mind, which is so nice to behold, akin to looking at a beautiful garden or a well groomed lawn. 

As fathers, we need to think good thoughts, nurture them and maintain them. We should take effort to weed out bad thoughts, evil thoughts, that do not serve to build us up or build our families. One would ask, what constitutes a good thought? 

Well, the Bible in Philipians 4:8 gives us an answer that is helpful. It says “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things”. A good thought is one that concerns something that is noble, true, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy. Thinking in these parameters will enable us fathers to imbue and maintain good thoughts. Are there noble things that we notice in our children, we should think about them and highlight them. We should think about the truth and pass it on to our children. 

Another description of a good thought is found in Ephesians 4:29 which states “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” To say something that builds another person, you have to think of something that is building. As it says in Matthew 12:34, out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks. We need to say words that build up our children. Therefore, it means, we should harbour building thoughts. Our hearts and minds should overflow with good thoughts. 

Matthew 6:22-23 Jesus said that we should guard what goes through our eyes. If the eye has light, then the whole body is full of light. What we read or watch, or the media we consume slowly shapes our views. If we are careful to take in things that build us or challenge us to grow, then we will be in a good position as fathers. We will be able to pass on these benefits to our children. 

Proverbs 4:23 admonishes us to guard our hearts above all else, it determines the course of our lives. We can do so by being careful about what goes into our hearts and what we also say with our mouths, or what comes out of us. 

Mark 7:17-23 Jesus said that out of what is stored in our hearts our mouths speak. If there is filth stored in there, that is what will come out. Thus we should endeavour to store up good stuff in us. Jesus said as it is recorded in Matthew 12:33-37 that you cannot pick figs or grapes from thornbushes. A tree is identified by its fruit. This is an outcome that follows the lifestyle we have chosen and how we live day by day. We speak based on the things that are stored in our hearts, either good or evil. Jesus concludes that we will  need to give an account of every careless word we say. By our words we will be acquitted or condemned. 

A time will come when our work will be tested. 1 Corinthians 3:12-15 says that what we build with will be tested. If we build with precious stones, our work will show, it will withstand pressure and fire. If we build with wood and cheap materials, it will be destroyed by fire. The day of reckoning will certainly come. We ought to use each day to build with the right materials and also to build in the right place. As Jesus said if we build on the rock, our house will stand, if we build on sand, it will be swept away by the winds and floods. 

There are lots of considerations at the early stage of building. When the reckoning comes, we can only say, I wish I did this earlier on, but there will be very little that we could do at that point other than to bear the consequences as best as we could. This is akin to the 5 foolish virgins who did not carry enough oil and missed out on the very thing they were waiting for. 

Some good types of thoughts to have as fathers include:-

• We are stewards of what God has given us, including the children he has blessed us with to raise. We should prove faithful in handling what God has entrusted to us. Luke 16:10-12. God expects a good return or outcome based on the things He has given to us. He will come to take account of what He has given us as fathers. Thus we need to be diligent like the 5 talents and 2 talents individuals described in Matthew 25:14-30. 
• Being open to learning and growing as fathers. In 1 Corinthians 8:2 it is written “anyone who claims to know all the answers doesn’t really know very much”.  Having an attitude of humility is key for us as fathers. This kind of thought will help us seek input and wisdom in areas we need to grow, it will enable us to acknowledge our mistakes and keep us open to growth. 
• Children are a blessing not a curse. Psalm 127:3 says “children are a gift from the LORD, they are a reward from him”. It is important to have this thought especially when faced by some tough parenting times or seasons. At times, we may feel as though our children are not a reward or gift, but that does not change the fact that they are a blessing from the Lord. When times are hard, we should remind ourselves of this verse and dwell on it. 
• Being thankful for the children and the family God has given us. Indeed we should be grateful for all the things that God has given us as fathers. 1 Thessalonians 5:18 “Give thanks in all circumstances for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you”. 

The disposition we should have as fathers is being able to give the right answer to our children and anyone we encounter. This can be possible if we cultivate good thoughts on a daily basis. In Proverbs 15:23 it is written “A person finds joy in giving an apt reply—and how good is a timely word!”  This can be our joy as fathers, always giving an apt reply to our children, our spouse or the people we interact with. It takes intentional effort to be this way. However it is achievable. 

It says in Psalms 119:97-100 “Oh, how I love your instructions! I think about them all day long. Your commands make me wiser than my enemies, for they are my constant guide. Yes, I have more insight than my teachers, for I am always thinking of your laws. I am even wiser than my elders for I have kept your commandments.” Having God’s word as our constant guide, a companion will give us great insight and wisdom as fathers. It will help us provide guidance and wisdom to our children. The way we can do this is to let God’s word richly dwell in us as it says in Colossians 3:16-17  “Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts. And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.”

If we are intentional about the kind of thoughts we have, it will slowly shape our views and keep us centred on God and being the kind of fathers He wants us to be. This wisdom will benefit our children and our families.